door lessons

he loved me so much
that he closed the door on me
so that i could learn to open it myself *

Why is it that wisdom comes from experience?

I have parents that still to this day tell me how to do this or that thinking that I actually may listen. I didn't listen when I was young, why would I now?  Except, back then, their constant 'parental guidance' must have sunk in some way because a part of  me never grew up knowing I could do anything I wanted to, on my own.  Now living with them again, I can see that it's just their way of loving their children...it's the only way that they know how to love...just wish I wasn't so damned triggered by it.

Everything happens for a reason though right, so here I am full circle, living with my folks, raising my own offspring, trying to teach her to be independent while fending off my parents to let her do it herself (and me too while we're at it).

So, back to my question - why does wisdom come from experience?  For me, I need to feel the success of my own making otherwise I'm not going to know I could do it in the first place.  Only took me 40 odd years to gain that pearl of wisdom, lol.  And so encouraged by my 'aha!' moment, I begin to layout my aspirations in front of me and figure out ways to make them happen.  And if I get stuck, then I ask...but not before, that way I know I tried instead of being fed the answer.  There's success in the effort.

And, I share this pearl with with my daughter...managing her emotions, using her words, scrambling eggs and making her own 'snack board', walking alone onto the school yard...telling her i know she can do it all because she just can, and if she needs help, I'm here for her.  She sometimes looks at me with fear in her eyes...as if I'm abandoning her to this impossible task (and oh I have my own inner child version of that look too) but with persistent tenderness, she learns to believe in her own ability...and I believe in mine.

Amazing we are both learning this about ourselves at the same time....38 years apart.  Or is it our journey as two souls who chose each other on this earthwalk to teach one another.

I'm ok with wisdom coming from experience.  I'd rather it not be a pain-filled one...but with each one, hopefully it no longer has to be.

I can open my own doors.

*dedicated to Mike and the soul-lessons he brought with his love