i long to tell you about all that i've gone through in the past few months
and what our daughter has experienced in her heart
not what she allows you to see.

(if you stood long enough to listen in earnest though, Guilt would smash through your stronghold of concrete denial and crush you before you utter your elaborate apology)

i long to here your answers to my whys...
why you took a coward's way...a liar's way...and dumped all your responsibilites
to be a cheater and a disney dad instead.

(i'm told i'll never know the answers to those heart-torturing questions by the experts,  seasoned and t-shirt wearers, so give it up and move on)

Instead, I look for the leasson that i've learned since leaving you
and feel gratitude sooth out the anger and begin to feel freedom replace my sorrow...

It's not that you are clueless to the rubble you've left behind
it's just that it's one more piece of baggage you shrug off
to walk into the sun rising on your new & improved life.

(hell yes i'm still angry, it'll take alot longer than 9mths to heal through this, so deal with it)

mostly, I long to feel peace again...
that deep within calm that no amount of crappy memories
or seeing you both together can disrupt.

mostly, I long to peek into our future, mine and hers...
a glimpse of the adventures we'll continue to share together as she blossoms into adolescence
and I remain wildly in-love with our revived and re-fertilized dreams.